Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Food, energy, and sleep.

A lot of people in my professional life have had issues with diet, energy levels, and sleep. So myself being troubled by these things is pretty normal, really. Of course, I have special snowflake versions of these usual troubles, and it all comes down to sleep.

I can't stay awake.

I am perpetually on the verge of falling asleep, forcing myself to try and not sleep. It's especially bad in the afternoons. I'm seeing a specialist about it, and hopefully it should go away soon, with the help of medication.

But not yet.

No, for now it is a daily struggle - which some days, like today, I lose. Most days, in one way or another, I lose, actually. Whether it's focus or the sheer time lost to being on the edge of unconsciousness and slipping over, I just can't live the life I want to. I can't drive unaccompanied for more than 20min. I have to be very, very careful when and what exercise I do, because most of it's dangerous - requiring concentration and alertness I am unable to summon. Food's a nightmare - I just eat what's safe(ish), and I just don't have the time or the energy to put together a proper eating plan, much less execute it. If I could, I'd live on meal replacements, because frankly, they don't require time or energy to prepare - but finding one that isn't disgusting *and* fits my intolerances takes time and energy. Nothing to do with weightloss, here (although that is an eventual goal of mine) - more just getting the vitamins and nutrition I need in a low-effort way.

I have hope for this coming year - that I will get healthy, get fit, have time to pursue creative things like learning clarinet, that I will find foods that work for me, spend more time with friends. But all these rely on having the sheer time - and, incidentally energy levels - of a normal, functioning adult.

Until then, however, I'll have to ask my friends and loves to bear with me for a little while longer. I want to spend time with you; I want to be there for you; and I'm sorry for the way I've neglected you all over the past year.