Tuesday 4 January 2011

Food, energy, and sleep.

A lot of people in my professional life have had issues with diet, energy levels, and sleep. So myself being troubled by these things is pretty normal, really. Of course, I have special snowflake versions of these usual troubles, and it all comes down to sleep.

I can't stay awake.

I am perpetually on the verge of falling asleep, forcing myself to try and not sleep. It's especially bad in the afternoons. I'm seeing a specialist about it, and hopefully it should go away soon, with the help of medication.

But not yet.

No, for now it is a daily struggle - which some days, like today, I lose. Most days, in one way or another, I lose, actually. Whether it's focus or the sheer time lost to being on the edge of unconsciousness and slipping over, I just can't live the life I want to. I can't drive unaccompanied for more than 20min. I have to be very, very careful when and what exercise I do, because most of it's dangerous - requiring concentration and alertness I am unable to summon. Food's a nightmare - I just eat what's safe(ish), and I just don't have the time or the energy to put together a proper eating plan, much less execute it. If I could, I'd live on meal replacements, because frankly, they don't require time or energy to prepare - but finding one that isn't disgusting *and* fits my intolerances takes time and energy. Nothing to do with weightloss, here (although that is an eventual goal of mine) - more just getting the vitamins and nutrition I need in a low-effort way.

I have hope for this coming year - that I will get healthy, get fit, have time to pursue creative things like learning clarinet, that I will find foods that work for me, spend more time with friends. But all these rely on having the sheer time - and, incidentally energy levels - of a normal, functioning adult.

Until then, however, I'll have to ask my friends and loves to bear with me for a little while longer. I want to spend time with you; I want to be there for you; and I'm sorry for the way I've neglected you all over the past year.


  1. I've spent all day wanting to comment, but expecting that you're the type to have researched this and to know all of the typical n=1 anecdotes like keeping a bowl of nuts on your desk and snacking all day (in place of lunch). Or do you want n=1s?

  2. I've spent a while experimenting on myself, and I've found exactly 3 things that work to keep me awakeish, a little bit, sometimes: anxiety, sugar, and alcohol (probably because of the sugar). They all have knock-on physical and emotional side-effects that are not so great, though, and none of them are reliable. So I don't use them unless it's worth the side-effects, especially at work. Medically speaking, the only thing that works long-term for either of the possible disorders I have is medication, and even that's symptomatic treatment rather than causative treatment.